My last post must have really hit a nerve. I got lots of responses from people. They were in two categories.
1. You are inspiring, keep at it.
2. Do you need more support? Are you ok?
I am happy to see both but I was a bit surprised that not only did so many people ask me if I needed help, but offered to give it to me. A couple people actually picked up a real phone, dialed my phone number and talked to me. Which is like crossing the ocean these days.
It got me thinking. YES I do need more support. I am the pillar of my household. I am the one that makes sure that everyone else has what they need. And the thing is that it is my JOB as a housewife / mother to continue to do that. I am not able to set that aside at all. Maybe a day here and there but it is the bulk of my role in life right now.
I started writing a big list of all the stuff I do. But it was boring even me. It is a lot of crap, grunt work. But it is all stuff that needs to be done. I hate most of it. But I need to focus on the big picture part that I love. I get to be here for my family and support them in the things they do. But in all that I have lost myself. I have lost some of who I am and what I want to be.
I have some mom friends who are fully fulfilled by this role. Awesome, I really do wish it was enough for me. And I have other mom friends who work and that seems to make them happy. Fantastic, but again not the right answer for me.
What I really need to zone in on is what is right for me? What does make me happy? What can I do within the confines created by my husband's work and my daughter's school?
Well lucky me I have gotten a magical reprieve. The kiddo is off at the lake with a friend until tomorrow. So I can sit and ponder "what about me". Which seems selfish and silly. But also necessary. Maybe I "shouldn't" want more, but I do. I just don't know exactly what that more can look like right now?
Ironically, I spent the morning cleaning the house. All the way down to vacuuming out the couch crevices. But sometimes it is easier to do what is obvious. It is easier to clean my house than to clean my life.
As I head off to switch out yet another load of laundry I am going to work on figuring out how I can be happy with the things I have and what more do I really need?
1. You are inspiring, keep at it.
2. Do you need more support? Are you ok?
I am happy to see both but I was a bit surprised that not only did so many people ask me if I needed help, but offered to give it to me. A couple people actually picked up a real phone, dialed my phone number and talked to me. Which is like crossing the ocean these days.
It got me thinking. YES I do need more support. I am the pillar of my household. I am the one that makes sure that everyone else has what they need. And the thing is that it is my JOB as a housewife / mother to continue to do that. I am not able to set that aside at all. Maybe a day here and there but it is the bulk of my role in life right now.
I started writing a big list of all the stuff I do. But it was boring even me. It is a lot of crap, grunt work. But it is all stuff that needs to be done. I hate most of it. But I need to focus on the big picture part that I love. I get to be here for my family and support them in the things they do. But in all that I have lost myself. I have lost some of who I am and what I want to be.
I have some mom friends who are fully fulfilled by this role. Awesome, I really do wish it was enough for me. And I have other mom friends who work and that seems to make them happy. Fantastic, but again not the right answer for me.
What I really need to zone in on is what is right for me? What does make me happy? What can I do within the confines created by my husband's work and my daughter's school?
Well lucky me I have gotten a magical reprieve. The kiddo is off at the lake with a friend until tomorrow. So I can sit and ponder "what about me". Which seems selfish and silly. But also necessary. Maybe I "shouldn't" want more, but I do. I just don't know exactly what that more can look like right now?
Ironically, I spent the morning cleaning the house. All the way down to vacuuming out the couch crevices. But sometimes it is easier to do what is obvious. It is easier to clean my house than to clean my life.
As I head off to switch out yet another load of laundry I am going to work on figuring out how I can be happy with the things I have and what more do I really need?
I always find that cleaning my life begins with cleaning my house. One has to start imposing structure from somewhere, no? I... could do with a lot fewer carbs myself. Aaargh. And also, exercise is awesome. I've started exercising part of the time together with a friend a few months ago and it's just so fun, and also, we've become closer because of it.
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